No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
