yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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