It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
