Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
