it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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