i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
