Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize