Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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