so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
