Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
