Someone shit on the floor
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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