I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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