A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
