Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
