smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
