I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
