i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
