they need to just BURY HIM!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
