Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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