i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize