Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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