i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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