There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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