she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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