Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
