apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
