final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's the barista slut.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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