at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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