So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
