He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
