Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
