I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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