i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
