he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
