I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
