Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize