at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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