The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Congratulations! We have a period
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
