I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
