C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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