a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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