hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
