a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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