I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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