Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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