I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We have started to decorate penises.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
