don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize