I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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