Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Damn victory sex feels great
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
