I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
