Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
