I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
