Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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