the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
