loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
