Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
