how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
