My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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