I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize