loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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