I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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