Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
