It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize