Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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