so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
