I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
