he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
