Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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