I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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