His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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