9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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