I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
