On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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