and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
