is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
