This is not my ceiling
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
