Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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