I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
