I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
