He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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