"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
